Meaningful..MUST READ

know the meaning of kns?


well,its ka na sai!


cuz it suits u


shit



fuck



rubbish



damn u




thinking...will things change or not?

until now its the same..

next week is our tests...

n its ur spm

seriously..y am i even still thinking about u when i shouldnt


uve treated me until like this,n i should still fall for u?


eventhough i may say these things...

it hurts my heart as well as my soul

i feel weaker by the moment~

i need to be stronger

but i duno how...

i need back up...

i need support...

i need LOVE

but that wont exist to me now...

i dont wanna find..

cuz i still love the same guy

until now,it cant come out of me

ppl say why?

i say idk~

ppl may say he's a jerk..

but in my heart..its painful




what i wish to do is...


to go to the beach


n to be

~calm
~release stress
~feel the breeze
~feel the wind in my hair
~relax
~forget things
~peaceful
~in my own world...


the beach is where i can be myself
i can be quiet n release stress


but what i miss most is i miss both mum's...
brandon's n my mom...
brandon's mom has been my god mother for the past year over
its been so nice~
she was like my best friend to me
i tell her things,she will understand
i really do miss her
sometimes i wish to call her..
but i will just feel like crying...
when talk about her,also i feel like crying now~
she was a really kind n loving lady
she understands me,n i understand her

my mom...i miss her too much
until i can cry everyday
its not the same without having a mom beside u everyday
i see girls at my age having a mother beside u everyday or even a sister...

i DONT...
i must be independent towards myself
i need to do things on my own
i need to go through tough times even when my mom is not around
its hard for me to suffer like this
this isnt the 1st time
but as i grow older,i feel i need her more
i feel pain...
suffering...
when she aint around..
its not the same...
when she is around
u can see my in joy
now..u can see me in sorrow
for the past 5 years...i have to stay like this..
i only have me n myself

eventhough before i had a companion beside me
it still isnt the same
cuz a girl always needs her mother beside them no matter what
n i need mines...


this is why i have brandon's mom
thanks to her..i can tell her things n she would understand
she may be busy at times..
but its okay~

ill just continue with life
being in full of sorrow
ii just wish to leave this place for awhile
n to come back when im alrite
i just wish...
that i could be
~happy again...
~to smile again
~to be ME again
~to feel love again
~to have fun again


i just want my OLD life back
i think what i wrote 2dy,is meaningful



i hope u guys like it this....
it took my effort to write this

THANKS FOR READING PEOPLE~

Joycelyn...the emo gurl